Breakfast at LA Ink ?

This weekend I hurt my knee getting out of bed. See last year I bought a new bedroom set. It's one of those platform beds , it sits about 6 inches of the ground. It allowed me to put my bed under a window without blocking the view. The problem has been that every morning I am required to perform a power squat to get from my bed to the bathroom. The other problem is I get up 5 times a night to take a leak. Its was just a matter of time before I blew out my ACL or my Colon.

I spent the rest of the weekend watching LA Ink. this seemed like a fair trade-off to anything resembling cycling. Plus since Ink is such a big part of the cycling scene I thought I should become one with the culture.

So here are my observations. Chicks with Ink are hot. I don't know why but they are. People love to get Ink as some form of tribute to something in there life that is dead. That something is not always a person , in fact many people appear to get Ink of dead animals. I met Timmy at Disneyland in the 80's now that I think about it he had lassie sleeves.

I have two Joey's on my phone. They both have Ink. One of them Is Joey and the other is listed as Joey Tattoo. If I meet anymore Joey's I will update the blog.

Maybe it's time for some off-season Ink for you or your girlfriend.

They have cyber armies ?

Twitter was hacked again last week. The hack was from the Iranian Cyber Army. Twitter is apparently being used by all types of people. They say its a great way to let your buddies know what you are doing. " laying down some toe poppers before lunch , peace out." Did I mention I am off Twitter.

Facebook , we don't have enough time on the planet for me to rag on that crap. Let's just say that if I wanted to talk some freak from the 3rd grade I would have talked to him then. In the 3 weeks I was on that site I actually had some guy from my high school ask me if I was still playing soccer. Still playing soccer? Dude that was in the 3rd grade. I am about to turn 50.

The good people at Norton will be happy to charge you 59.99 per year to protect your computer. Protect you from what , the Iranian Cyber army or Dave from the ankle strikers soccer reunion organization. No. they cant help you there. you will just have to refrain from those sites and enjoy the Internet for what god intended it for Porn and Stock Quotes.

Well, now I can't even enjoy those. My computer received a virus last week. The customer service tech at Norton spent the night cleaning up my computer. He also lectured me on the Internet and all the places I should not be visiting. He was from India, he felt sorry for me and suggested I should get a pet. Anyhow, It's just Stock quotes for me now. With some luck the Iranian Cyber army will attack Soccer Dave next.

Frequently Asked Questions

As the unofficial scribe for team Redlands, I receive many general questions. Here is a small sample of some frequently asked questions.

Question: Is there a cap on the number of members in your club ?
Answer: Yes, we are limited. The number is classified. Please send me a photo of yourself in a bathing suit.

Question: I look really good on a bike, my kit, my legs, and helmet. But I don’t know how to dress casual, can you help me out ?
Answer: Yes, stop wearing mommy jeans. You’re not a mom and it’s not 1994.

Question: If I leave team Redlands can I come back next year ?
Answer: No, there is currently a 3 year waiting list.

Question: Do you really go to the gym with JT ?
Answer: Yes, but we never go in the spa or Jacuzzi.

Question: Are we doing a gift exchange on the team ?
Answer: Due to the economy here is the rule for Christmas, If you crap your pants you get a gift.


Question: Did you get some Ink ?
Answer: I got my face painted at the oak glen blueberry festival.

Question: I noticed I was not listed on the power ranking are you a sexist ?
Answer: Is Tiger Woods a golfer.

Question: I thought you guys were going to be sponsored by Hangar 24 ?
Answer: Even Budweiser couldn't afford to give away that much free beer.

Question: Do you guys get together after cycling and hang out ?
Answer: Oh sure just the other day one of the four horseman invited me over to his kids birthday party and I hurt myself in the jumpy castle.

Driver comes forward

Driver of vehicle comes forward and turns herself in. She has offered to mow my lawn and do my taxes. Lucky for me I have no lawn and do my own taxes.

Another one bites the dust

Warning to all cyclist on Barton Road. The last two weeks has seen multiple cyclist go down between Taylor's Bar and Terracina. Keep your helmet on until you are standing in line at Stells.

The above vehicle was driving erratic behind myself and Norm. I don't think it takes a genius to know who went down. Lucky for me it was on the side of my Pelvis broken in 5 places last year. Good thing I am a quick healer.

Free Lifetime tune-ups

When was the last time you took the rig down to Cyclery USA in Redlands to cash in on that free lifetime tune-up. For me that day was yesterday.

Here is the deal I have no idea what the freak a bottom bracket does or what PSI a Continental should be run at following a early season rain. But you know who does Steve Berg.

Steve is truly a Renaissance man. Its hard to find a guy who has fought in the Octagon. Invented that little heart shaped foam thing in a Latte , can hook up your perm for an appearance on Tyra and for the right amount of cash could probably bust out some prison ink.

Anyhow, My bike has made a bottom bracket kinda kachunky noise for 10 months. Steve fixed that problem , found another, warranted out my " Johnson rod " , something about my drive-train, chain issue, hooked me up with some tires and noticed my saddle is showing and unusual wear pattern.

So if the last time you got a free tune was from a neighborhood kid with a wrench it just might be time to get down to the shop. Damn , I am glad I did.

Award season is here

USA Cycling announced there are only a few days left to apply for USA Cycling's annual "Club of the Year" awards. On December 18, the national governing body will award three "Overall Club of the Year" designations and seven special awards to clubs that have made exceptional efforts in 2009.

Team Redlands has been notified that they are finalists in one of the special awards categories:

Women in Cycling appreciation in a tasteful manner.

Obviously we here at Team Redlands are excited about the nomination. We continue to appreciate women in cycling and have made a commitment that should be a model to clubs around the country.

Due to the economic constraints Team Redlands will not be able to attend the Club of the year awards. Team funds are tied up in litigation unrelated to pictures used on this blog.

Maybe next year they will have an award for Team Blog of the year.

Keep your bike clean

Another Team Redlands reminder to all riders. If you got out in the rain today don't forget to clean your bike. A $ 9,300 Trek can quickly loose it's value. A quick washing of the components should do the trick. Don't forget to lubricate your chain and all other critical moving parts.

PS: Scott Cochran won this months free bike wash. See chopper for your gift certificate.

Turkey and Scotch

I jumped the gun on this years Thanksgiving. I purchased two Swanson's Turkey dinners. I ate one tonight to get myself in the Holiday spirit. The good people of Swanson's really need to add some cranberry sauce to complete that sense of holiday one looks for in a TV dinner.

Once you remove the dinner from the aluminum tray and put it on your dead grandmothers plates it really looks pretty authentic. All I need now is a pack of non filter camels , scotch and a butter dish with cat hair in it to complete the look.

In honor of family and the holidays I am going to share with you some true family stories. If you have a weak stomach don't read any further.

My uncle Tim graduated from College he called grandpa and said , Hey I am graduating this Saturday. grandpa said where's that gonna be ? Uncle Tim said in front of the library. My grandpa said No, where did you go to college ?

While walking to the Pontoon boat at Lake Cicero my grandmother lost her balance ( see scotch ) fell into the water but caught her leg on a six inch exposed nail. It cut her leg like a fish. My grandfather proclaimed you will do anything to Fuck up my weekend.

My grandmother was killed in her kitchen in Elwood Indiana. She was sitting at the dinner table in her chair. The chair was between the dining room table and the Refrigerator. She would lean over and pull food from the fridge. One day (see scotch) she pulled the fridge on top off her and it killed her. The brand name of the fridge was a Norge. On the coroner cause of death It was listed that she was " Norged".

Lucky for my grandparent's they lived next door to Dunnichay funeral home. Grandma was moved via the desk chair in the office out the front door on the sidewalk and into the funeral home. This is an important fact because we had a $280.00 transportation charge on the bill. They said it was a standard fee. My uncle Tim offered to double that fee if they could get her feet clean.

Happy Thanksgiving to your family and don't forget the scotch it always makes for great memories.

It's a long way to the front of the line

As luck would have it not enough of the Team Redlands members returned their privacy act notices by the power rankings deadline. These notices are standard releases that you must fill out to appear on TV , a game show , realty show or dimly lighted porn.

Therefore in lieu of using the riders real name I have had to use their nicknames. Below is the current Team power rankings in nickname form only. Through the process of elimination you should be able to determine the said rider.

T-BONE
RAY RAY
THE VIRGIN
CHIM-CHIM
VEGETABLE LASAGNA
GERBIL
BUBBLE BOY
JUMBO SHRIMP
ASSMAN
COCO THE MONKEY

Lets face it privacy act rights or not , we all know who's in charge come sleet , snow , rain or power rankings. It Starts with a J and ends in a T.

Stay classy Redlands

Anticipation for the power rankings are building. Here is a picture from last years 1st annual power rankings gala and awards ceremony.

Qoute's of the night

"Damn it's good to ride with the Four Horseman. Did I mention I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. "

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal."

"Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast! "

"I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again."

Understanding the power rankings

In preparation of the upcoming Power Rankings I have allowed the public this one time opportunity to have a peek at the Team Redlands PR system.

Here is a sample of how the Team Redlands power rankings are computed. Below are Scott's scores as computed by the PR system. The PR system is a registered trademark of Team Redlands.

Works = Yes = 10 points
Extra credit =Works at an office = Yes = 5 points

Has Children = No = 0 points
Extra credit =Can name his kids = n/a = 0 points

Owns a Gun = Not sure = 0 points
Extra credit = CW permit = works in colton = 0 points

Drinks Beer = Big Yes = 10 points
Extra credit = Drinks at Hangar = name on Parking spot = 5 points

Rides a Trek = Yes = 10 points
Extra credit = Greg Johnson # on cell phone = maybe = 3 points

Republican = shaves his head = 6 points
Democrat = no
Extra credit = Attended a tea party function = not a tea drinker

Single = No
Married = Yes = 0 points
Divorcee = Yes = 10 points
Extra credit = I don't know your wife's name = Carla ? = 10 points

Live in Redlands = No = 0 points
Live near the CC = No = 0 points
Extra credit = Don't live in Mentone = Yes = 2 points

Year in Kit = Old School = 8 points
Extra credit = Never worn another teams kit = No green in the closet = 2 points

Ink = ? = 1 point
Extra credit = Moms name on arm = Not sure , arm warmers = 0 points

Hobby other than cycling = Belgium Beer = 5 points
Extra credit = Helping fellow man = Under insured motorist = 4 points
Reduction in credit = Thinks cycling is more than just a hobby = still a hobby = 10 points

Total Points = 101

Power rankings coming soon

Cat gangs have a been around for centuries. To this day you can trace the corporate structure of cats to many companies such as Apple , Ford and Purina.

Last week El Presedente was not on the ride. Which begs the question . Who is next in command. Who calls the shots. Who decides when and where we ride.

The answer to that question can only mean one thing . it's time for a new and updated power rankings. Team power rankings are being calculated and will be done after the weekend rides. please no calls or gifts during the calculation period.

Will I get a 1099 ?

The lesbians I have been donating my sperm to are missing ! Sounds like a headline in your morning paper right. Well maybe if you live in Amsterdam. but surely not in Redlands.

See years ago Americans were told via Madison avenue that If you wore 100 % Cotton Dockers you could have an old fashion bull session with your buddies. You would wear these pants and instantly you would be a member of an Algonquin round table. I owned Dockers and yes I did feel and look smarter. But did they make me one of the boys?

last Saturday after the ride the spandex round table was in rare form. I am not sure about the tipping point of Cotton to Spandex but it may have been around the time that Lance got caught on the kids back pack and fell.

Those Dockers guys were smart. But they never touched subject matter like the Lesbians who stole my sperm or why things moved by land are called shipments and things moved by ship are called Cargo?

So, next Saturday after the ride hang out at Stells and maybe you can find out how to make money hand over fist too.

Please no comments about the symbolism of the fish.

Stick my head in what?

During the 30 day window to talk to other teams I was contacted by the assistant to the travelling secretary for Team Astana.

Apparently they have lost many riders to the Shack and were looking to fill a few spots. The try-out consisted of sticking your head in a cardboard cut-out. Here you can see the results of the cardboard test.

I did fall trying to take my head out of the cardboard cut-out and severely burned myself on a barbecue. they said they would call me and it's been about 3 weeks?

Don't believe the morning paper

The rush is on

This weekend marked the beginning of Cycling rush here in Redlands. Our team received around 300 applications to join Team Redlands. Regretfully we were only allowed to fill a couple of slots.

The initial phase of hazing , I mean initiations was to perform many duties of the domestique. In the past some of the news guys had trouble getting Norms bagel just right and Hectors Latte order foamy enough.

Currently the most promising applicant is a guy with an Ironman Tattoo on his leg. His Taxes are in order and he is in much need of a free Insurance "what if." His resume includes a bar fight with a tranny and he has eaten a 72 ounce steak at the Big Texan in Dallas.

Welcome Brain, can you pick up my helmet.

Hand Signals

Team Redlands commitment to road safety continues this month with a review of the various hand signals and there meanings.

The above chart was obtained from "Joy of cycling" book written in the early 70's. Lucky for us many of the hand signals have gone virtually unchanged and still provide an aide to the rider's intentions.

Warning using the above hand signals while traveling through Loma Linda may have unforeseen consequences.

Amgen coming to Big Bear Lake !

2010 Amgen Tour of California include:

Stage 1: Sunday, May 16 – Nevada City to Sacramento
Stage 2: Monday, May 17 – Davis to Santa Rosa
Stage 3: Tuesday, May 18 – San Francisco to Santa Cruz
Stage 4: Wednesday, May 19 – San Jose to Modesto
Stage 5: Thursday, May 20 – Visalia to Bakersfield
Stage 6: Friday, May 21 – Pasadena to Big Bear Lake
Stage 7: Saturday, May 22 – Los Angeles (individual time trial)
Stage 8: Sunday, May 23 – Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village/Agoura Hills

They give ribbons for 8th place ?

The ride on Saturday consisted of three groups of people.

1. People who knew exactly where we were going.

2. People who knew exactly where we were going so they split off and went there own way.

3. People who had no idea where we were going and wished they went with option # 2.

For those people who fell into group # 3 congratulations. You survived the 909 equivalent to a canoe trip as depicted in deliverance. Jack Rabbit trail never fails to deliver. I know your wives didn't believe you so please accept this trophy as a sign of appreciation and welcome to the team.

Next week we will hold our annual Snipe Hunt ride to Onyx summit. dress appropriately.

Thank you Chuck Norris

Yet another sign that summer is over. I went to the closet to put on my jeans. Apparently I am not a 32 inch waist anymore.

Lucky for me I had just recieved the above advertisment in the mail. Martial arts have always been my first love. Now I can get new jeans and still have the freedom to give someone a round house to the head at Trader Joes.

Thank you Chuck Norris and come by the gym sometime. JT and I are getting huge.

Monkey fucking a Coconut

The leaves are changing and the temps are dropping here in so cal. That can only mean one thing right. keep bashing your brains out on the Raincross ride.

Well, Thankfully that is not the case this winter. the powers to be have decided to do some base building civil rides that do not cover the same roads that we ride all summer long.

I missed building a base last winter I can tell you the year sucked royal pig ass all year long. Its quite frankly felt like someone was behind me drilling for oil.

In fact it seems like just yesterday that I was cleared by the Doctor to go out and ride. I remember it because it was a Friday afternoon that should have been a really fun easy spin before the big Saturday ride. That Friday ride was a dead sprint out of the driveway up a 14 degree climb. Try and imagine a Monkey fucking a coconut because that is exactly what that ride felt like.

Ever since that day I have been waiting for the season to start over. to put my quarter back in the machine. Not to pick up riding the sunset championships or the Crit practice from Hell. This little pony just wants to peacock around the 909 for an easy 60 with the boys.

So again I want to personally thank the genius that has decided to change the tempo with the seasons , because nobody wants to go on the Monkey fucking a coconut ride every time you step out the front door. If you don't believe me I will give you the secret location to the " MFAC" ride.

What's in your water bottle ?

Lance signs with Beer label. The 7 time tour de france winner continues to be an example of a guy who can drink a six pack and still make the Saturday ride.

Anheuser-Busch InBev, which is based in Belgium, said Armstrong is the perfect spokesman for Michelob Ultra, which targets health-minded active drinkers and cyclists.

Lance , who finished third in this year’s Tour de France, said he is not quick to jump on endorsements and tries to limit them because of demands on his time from racing, but the Michelob Ultra fit his lifestyle , he like to drink.

Next year maybe he will ride for Hangar 24.

Gran Fondo

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz


Honey Hunter



Spent the weekend in Santa Rosa attending the first King Ridge Gran Fondo with Levi.

I rode with my Friend Brad. We did not read the brochure closely regarding the ride. apparently our preparation for this event of 3 rides may not have been enough. one day of base one day of hill climbing and one day of anaerobic threshold training.

If you are interested in obtaining Brads 3 day training plan simply send a SASE to:

Don't Try This at Home
P. O. Box 666
Redlands Ca. 92373

Brad has a life a wife a dog 2 kids and a lawn. he has attended a Tony Robbins time management clinic . The Team Redlands discount code for a personalized training plan is BRUNO.

As luck would have it 3 days was all we needed. We came upon a couple of bees.The bees provided a good draft. The bees set a pace we found manageable and I am happy to say we all shared a cold beverage together at the end. Honey not a good choice on a hot day. I will stick with beer.

If you can read this you're too close !

I don't want to be a Pirate !

Traditional winter training camp scrapped. Team building is job # 1 this winter we are looking to build up camaraderie while helping out the planet. It's called a win/win.

Destination Somali:

The team will be sailing along the coast of Somali specifically to hunt pirates. These cruises, are conducted on a regular basis and have attracted many fans of live target shooting with total impunity.

The advertising brochure posted on the website says that the vessel is cruising along the Somali coast, attracting pirates' attention with loud music and fireworks.

The vessel departs from Mombasa on Dec. 29 and will go along the coast of Somali as far as Djibouti, where the cruise ends. They promise at least two pirate attacks, but if that does not happen, They will refund you half of the cruise price, including the lease of weapons and ammunition," The Russian cruise line received a nice write up in trip advisor.

The four-day cruise for two person will set you back $3,200, The lease of weapons is paid separately. Roomates will be assigned on the ship so please no special requests.

Kitty Kitty

Liz shown here in her kitty wear with matching beenie , thinking about next years race schedule.

I can imagine her internal monologue as follows:

I can't wait till next years Redlands Bike Classic !

Redlands is an nice town , I just don't know where I will stay. The hotel situation is " iffy" at best. The host family's are nice but they always want me to go swimming.

Maybe some of those Douche Bags at Team Redlands can hook me up ?

I hear there is a new place to drink called Hangar 24. I wonder if any of those guys know the owner Ben? I would really like to go to the VIP room. Mentone is soooo VIP.

Mentone has a working A & W Root Beer with a drive thru and they sell something called Cheese curds....what the hell is a cheese curd ?

Oh well enough day dreaming about next year....I need to go online and see if Team Redlands has any sister team stuff for sale. I wish Chopper's pelvis was better.

It's the shoes money

Zoey and her townie bike last night at Hangar 24.

This is a good example of how to pull yourself up in the Team Redlands power rankings. The matching shoes and frame will always bump you up a few notches.

Speaking of matching outfits. remember the Team kit order deadline is quickly approaching. If you have always dreamed about wearing the Redlands Kit maybe this is the season to make that change. If you have always dreamed about wearing a Rock Racing kit, please stop reading this blog.

Flanders ?

Its a simple question of math Does A + B = C

Thanks Flipper !

Team Redlands invokes "Good Citizen" clause and maybe all the teams around town should ask themselves the following:

Does your Team's use of foul language create inappropriate and embarrassing situations for you and the people around you? Did you know this habit can be put under your control! Well wonder no more and learn to minimize the use of offensive words and expressions while enjoying a cleaner, more respectable ride.

The Ocean Sublime Series is made of exclusive downloads, composed of soothing ocean sounds from the Caribbean mixed with specific inaudible custom messages & words of wisdom of a top personal coach, motivation expert, registered and certified clinical hypnotherapist.

Just listen to the course daily, and you can start seeing a significant difference within a matter of days! Warning do not use this course while driving.

Team Testimonials:

JT: Just today I was about to throw an "F" bomb at a 4 way stop. I thought about a dolphin and I just waved.

Craig: I was gonna punch a guy in the quad , instead I bought him a Hawaiian Punch at the gas station.

And just this morning Norm & Scott after being left at Stells had to chase all the way to Riverside. Instead of yelling at us , they thanked us for some early season cardio. Geez Whiz.

I can only hope that the strides we are taking here at Team Redlands will be an inspiration to all the other riders. God bless.

2 out of 3

The team meeting was a great success tonight. We all got on board and the new skipper was introduced. If you were unable to attend please stop by the shop and get your clothing order form .

The new kits were unvailed. They are guaranteed to give you a return of +/- 5% advantage over a 70 mile ride. This was confirmed by an independent study held by Wright Patterson AFB in conjunction with the university of Purdue. This study is not to be confused with the gait analysis study of 2008 held at LLU.

A snipe hunt was held for all the new guy's behind Cyclery USA. Ramon declared a winner and all participants were given a complimentary water bottle. The winner recieved a free lifetime tune-up.The free lifetime tune-up fair market value could not be determined.

I spent $ 350.00 on kits and blamed my low order on the economy. I will stay towards the back of the pack next summer when I am stretching my bibs for 2 rides. I really hope I don't get shammy flu.

Team Meeting

This week Team Redlands will hold it's annual post-season meeting. Meetings are not just informative but they can be fun. Here is a sample of the talking points for the meeting:

1. Groupies, Pros and Cons
2. Ink
3. Get away team building rafting trip in Arkansas.
4. Hazing
5. Health Care
6. Fort/Clubhouse
7. Mascot
8. Alcoholism and Cycling , is there a connection.
9. Proof of Redlands citizenship.
10. Team Blog status from Unofficial to pending.

Winter Approaches

This morning I counted at least 2 riders sporting there team Redlands vests. This can only mean one thing. winter is just around the corner.

Lucky for me I never shed my winter coat and have not started my 12 step program. Just this morning I woke up in bed next to a can of Pringles and my hand smelt like cool ranch.

I really need to make some changes this winter.

Project Runway coming to Redlands

Team Redlands long known for there innovation , sportsmanship and obvious sense of community is now looking to lead the way in fashion.

Word on the street is that a team of cutting edge designers have been working overtime behind the scenes on next years kits. Look for the new kits to incorporate some of that Kazakhstan style you are always reading about.

Hard to imagine but lets face it Kazakhstan has taken over the world of cycling and fashion. This tiny country won both the Tour de France and fashion week at Bryant park.

Don't worry I have be assured that no use of leather or an optional pair of ass less chaps are being offered.

In addition to the usual drafting. Next summer look for many other local teams too add " Fashion Drafting " to there repertoire.

Do they all wear uniforms ?

Who has more freedom , a Married man in America or a Single man in North Korea.

I don't do the Sunday ride that often but I notice the married guys always have to be somewhere. I have a hard time believing that they really have that many kiddy parties to attend.

See, the Single guy In North Korea can leave the house anytime he wants. He just can't leave the country.

The married guy In America can't leave the house, but he can leave the country.

Hmmmm, being single in North Korea is not as bad as they make it look on CNN is it ?

Suck it France !

I don't know about you but in my household not a day goes by that I don't think about how much the french suck. You probably are saying yeah that's true chopper but what about wine?

On May 24, 1976, a wine tasting took place in Paris that changed the world's view of California wines forever. The tasting was the brainchild of Steven Spurrier, an English wine merchant who owned an innovative wine shop and adjacent wine school in the center of Paris. Curious to see how California wines would fare against French wines. he arranged a blind wine tasting in celebration of the American Bicentennial activities in Paris. The French tasters chosen for the event had impeccable professional credentials. The French wines were red Bordeaux and white Burgundies. They were matched against California Cabernet Sauvignons and Chardonnays. The tasting was blind, with the identities of the wines concealed and the labels revealed only after the jury of nine tasters had voted its order of preference.

The unthinkable happened. A 1973 Stag's Leap Wine Cellars S.L.V. Cabernet Sauvignon - thier first vintage produced with grapes from vines a mere three years old - was judged the best. The Cabernet had bested four top-ranked Bordeaux, including first-growths Château Mouton-Rothschild and Château Haut-Brion. The 1973 Chateau Montelena Chardonnay from California bested its French counterparts also.

America 1 France 0

Scandals and Animals

New Blog post's have been temporarily suspended as we re-tool . It was clear that a blog devoted only to cycling was going to have it's slow seasons.

Following Saturdays end of the year Ontario crit and the concern about the loss of"ratings". we have decided to change the format to "Scandals and Animals". this change will only be temporary to give the blog more traffic and to widen the reach of our reading audience.

Currently our Blog traffic is behind such gems as http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ and http://www.albertocontadornotebook.info/ , I warn you the images on these sites are both disturbing and funny.

Hello Junior College

Fair Market value of Bike = $ 9,300



Fair Market of little Timmy's 529 College Fund = $ 1,800



The other night I left open the garage door. Thankfully nothing was missing. What I mean by nothing of course was my collection of bikes , that oddly enough are worth more than my car.

As usual It got me thinking. Why are my bikes worth more than my car. is that right. Probably, seeing how I put more miles on the bike than my car. But here is the real question of the day. Do you have more money tied up in carbon fiber, than Timmy's college fund ?

I'm guessing it's hello Crafton Hills Junior college , I hear they have a really good fire science program. Can you say Chili cooker Timmy. Please for Timmy's sake at least make a matching contribution to his little college fund next time to upgrade your stem.

Local boy does good

Team Redlands gets national exposure. Local Boy Matthew Freeman is shown above tackling the Everest Challenge on the SoCalCycling home page.

He is 32 , a Virgo and enjoys long rides in the Sierra's.

Crit Filler ? , Lets check the Urban Dictionary

The other day I heard someone refer to a group of riders as " Crit Filler " I enjoy a new word. but before I started to use it I headed to my trust worthy Urban Dictionary. I needed to make sure it was not offensive in any way.

Here is what I found:

Filler is:

A member of a social group who has little/no popularity and is merely involved to make numbers, rather than to add to the group. Fillers have no intellectual or comedy value and any attempted input is usually ignored or completely disregarded. A Filler is the sort of person who you wouldn't be seen with dead.

An ex boyfriend/ girlfriend you still associate with that you like to hang out with, go out with between dating other people or when you're bored and no one else will. They're filling the time between that. You know they're never going to be anything serious again.
"I'm bored, might as well call my filler."

A person who strategically situates himself 3/4 of the way back in a group of riders. Fails to ever let wind directly hit the front of his kit and fails to give up one centimeter to the poor bastard who just took a major pull on the front and just wants to catch his breath or a sip of water and is not interested in contesting 34 Th place.

Various fluids used to fill up a crack like, 'I had a crack that needed mending so i called up my husband, using his filler, he mended the crack sooo good'

Pant filler, a child that fills their pants; also used when referring to a bratty child under the age of five. I had to babysit a total filler. It was horrible.

After my research I think I will spend more time on the front I don't want to be Crit Filler and I think It goes without saying Pant filler.

Pool party goes south

Last night I attended a another local cycling related event. What I mean was apparently someone couldn't make it so I was given the call up. Truth be told I pretty much wait all day Saturdays for anyone to invite me to something and I usually end up with a pizza and watch murder she wrote. Angela Lands berry you could do worse.

When you hear the words pool party , you just know it's going to be fun. The mix was cycling , groupies chicks , brisket , ribs and a VIP Jacuzzi.

The pool party came to a sudden end unexpectedly. Not because it was cake time. apparently if you do the Saturday ride and have a too much ribs and glutamine. well it's not pretty and the local state farm guy shut it down.

Luckily for us the VIP Jacuzzi remained sterile and the party went on as planned. Happy birthday to Hoyt and the Ticks for there hospitality.

Hide Your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle!

The recent signing of Michael Vick has caused many dog owners in the Philadelphia area to hide there pets. Here you can see a Philly Beagle owner throwing his beloved pet into the back room just because the door bell rang. It turned out to be a UPS man.

Note: No pets were harmed during this post and all readers are encouraged to make a donation to the Redlands dog park.

" when I'm in the pack I'm always holdin my line "

YouTube - RobinMoore's Channel

Bring back merit badges

It seems that not a week go's bye in the local cycling scene that you don't hear about someone getting scolded for there cycling skills.

You need a licence to drive a car. you need a licence to catch a fish. but last time I checked anybody can buy a bike at cyclery USA and head on down to crit.

Got me thinking about my days in the Boy Scouts. Yep Chopper was a Boy Scout. So I checked the requirement for obtaining a Cycling merit badge. I have listed some of the basic requirements. JT has offered to help out on Sundays and sign off on the necessary skills. Then next time you get yelled at , just point to your badge.

Cycling Merit Badge requirements: are you up to date with your skills ?

Show that you know first aid for injuries or illnesses that could occur while cycling, including hypothermia, heat reactions, frostbite, dehydration, insect stings, tick bites, snakebites, blisters, and hyperventilation.

Clean and adjust a bicycle. Prepare it for inspection using a bicycle safety checklist. Be sure the bicycle meets local laws.

Show your bicycle to JT for inspection. Point out the adjustments or repairs you have made. Do the following:
Show all points that need oiling regularly.
Show points that should be checked regularly to make sure the bicycle is safe to ride.
Show how to adjust brakes, seat level and height, and steering tube.
Describe how to brake safely with foot brakes and with hand brakes.
Show how to repair a flat. Use an old bicycle tire.

Take a road test with JT and demonstrate the following:
Properly mount, pedal, and brake including emergency stops.
On an urban street with light traffic, properly execute a left turn from the center of the street; also demonstrate an alternate left turn technique used during periods of heavy traffic.
Properly execute a right turn.
Demonstrate appropriate actions at a right-turn-only lane when you are continuing straight.
Show proper curbside and road-edge riding. Show how to safely ride along a row of parked cars.
Cross railroad tracks properly.

Describe your state’s traffic laws for bicycles. Compare them with motor-vehicle laws. Know the bicycle-safety guidelines.
Avoiding main highways, take two rides of 10 miles each, two rides of 15 miles each, and two rides of 25 miles each. You must make a report of the rides taken. List dates, routes traveled, and interesting things seen.
The bicycle must have all required safety features. It must be registered as required by your local traffic laws.

After fulfilling all the requirements , take JT on a 50-mile trip. Stay away from main highways. Using your map, make this ride in eight hours and somehow manage to not have him yell at you.