Turkey and Scotch

I jumped the gun on this years Thanksgiving. I purchased two Swanson's Turkey dinners. I ate one tonight to get myself in the Holiday spirit. The good people of Swanson's really need to add some cranberry sauce to complete that sense of holiday one looks for in a TV dinner.

Once you remove the dinner from the aluminum tray and put it on your dead grandmothers plates it really looks pretty authentic. All I need now is a pack of non filter camels , scotch and a butter dish with cat hair in it to complete the look.

In honor of family and the holidays I am going to share with you some true family stories. If you have a weak stomach don't read any further.

My uncle Tim graduated from College he called grandpa and said , Hey I am graduating this Saturday. grandpa said where's that gonna be ? Uncle Tim said in front of the library. My grandpa said No, where did you go to college ?

While walking to the Pontoon boat at Lake Cicero my grandmother lost her balance ( see scotch ) fell into the water but caught her leg on a six inch exposed nail. It cut her leg like a fish. My grandfather proclaimed you will do anything to Fuck up my weekend.

My grandmother was killed in her kitchen in Elwood Indiana. She was sitting at the dinner table in her chair. The chair was between the dining room table and the Refrigerator. She would lean over and pull food from the fridge. One day (see scotch) she pulled the fridge on top off her and it killed her. The brand name of the fridge was a Norge. On the coroner cause of death It was listed that she was " Norged".

Lucky for my grandparent's they lived next door to Dunnichay funeral home. Grandma was moved via the desk chair in the office out the front door on the sidewalk and into the funeral home. This is an important fact because we had a $280.00 transportation charge on the bill. They said it was a standard fee. My uncle Tim offered to double that fee if they could get her feet clean.

Happy Thanksgiving to your family and don't forget the scotch it always makes for great memories.