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Monday, December 28, 2009

Breakfast at LA Ink ?

This weekend I hurt my knee getting out of bed. See last year I bought a new bedroom set. It's one of those platform beds , it sits about 6 inches of the ground. It allowed me to put my bed under a window without blocking the view. The problem has been that every morning I am required to perform a power squat to get from my bed to the bathroom. The other problem is I get up 5 times a night to take a leak. Its was just a matter of time before I blew out my ACL or my Colon.

I spent the rest of the weekend watching LA Ink. this seemed like a fair trade-off to anything resembling cycling. Plus since Ink is such a big part of the cycling scene I thought I should become one with the culture.

So here are my observations. Chicks with Ink are hot. I don't know why but they are. People love to get Ink as some form of tribute to something in there life that is dead. That something is not always a person , in fact many people appear to get Ink of dead animals. I met Timmy at Disneyland in the 80's now that I think about it he had lassie sleeves.

I have two Joey's on my phone. They both have Ink. One of them Is Joey and the other is listed as Joey Tattoo. If I meet anymore Joey's I will update the blog.

Maybe it's time for some off-season Ink for you or your girlfriend.

Monday, December 21, 2009

They have cyber armies ?

Twitter was hacked again last week. The hack was from the Iranian Cyber Army. Twitter is apparently being used by all types of people. They say its a great way to let your buddies know what you are doing. " laying down some toe poppers before lunch , peace out." Did I mention I am off Twitter.

Facebook , we don't have enough time on the planet for me to rag on that crap. Let's just say that if I wanted to talk some freak from the 3rd grade I would have talked to him then. In the 3 weeks I was on that site I actually had some guy from my high school ask me if I was still playing soccer. Still playing soccer? Dude that was in the 3rd grade. I am about to turn 50.

The good people at Norton will be happy to charge you 59.99 per year to protect your computer. Protect you from what , the Iranian Cyber army or Dave from the ankle strikers soccer reunion organization. No. they cant help you there. you will just have to refrain from those sites and enjoy the Internet for what god intended it for Porn and Stock Quotes.

Well, now I can't even enjoy those. My computer received a virus last week. The customer service tech at Norton spent the night cleaning up my computer. He also lectured me on the Internet and all the places I should not be visiting. He was from India, he felt sorry for me and suggested I should get a pet. Anyhow, It's just Stock quotes for me now. With some luck the Iranian Cyber army will attack Soccer Dave next.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Frequently Asked Questions

As the unofficial scribe for team Redlands, I receive many general questions. Here is a small sample of some frequently asked questions.

Question: Is there a cap on the number of members in your club ?
Answer: Yes, we are limited. The number is classified. Please send me a photo of yourself in a bathing suit.

Question: I look really good on a bike, my kit, my legs, and helmet. But I don’t know how to dress casual, can you help me out ?
Answer: Yes, stop wearing mommy jeans. You’re not a mom and it’s not 1994.

Question: If I leave team Redlands can I come back next year ?
Answer: No, there is currently a 3 year waiting list.

Question: Do you really go to the gym with JT ?
Answer: Yes, but we never go in the spa or Jacuzzi.

Question: Are we doing a gift exchange on the team ?
Answer: Due to the economy here is the rule for Christmas, If you crap your pants you get a gift.

Question: Did you get some Ink ?
Answer: I got my face painted at the oak glen blueberry festival.

Question: I noticed I was not listed on the power ranking are you a sexist ?
Answer: Is Tiger Woods a golfer.

Question: I thought you guys were going to be sponsored by Hangar 24 ?
Answer: Even Budweiser couldn't afford to give away that much free beer.

Question: Do you guys get together after cycling and hang out ?
Answer: Oh sure just the other day one of the four horseman invited me over to his kids birthday party and I hurt myself in the jumpy castle.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Driver comes forward

Driver of vehicle comes forward and turns herself in. She has offered to mow my lawn and do my taxes. Lucky for me I have no lawn and do my own taxes.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Another one bites the dust

Warning to all cyclist on Barton Road. The last two weeks has seen multiple cyclist go down between Taylor's Bar and Terracina. Keep your helmet on until you are standing in line at Stells.

The above vehicle was driving erratic behind myself and Norm. I don't think it takes a genius to know who went down. Lucky for me it was on the side of my Pelvis broken in 5 places last year. Good thing I am a quick healer.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Free Lifetime tune-ups

When was the last time you took the rig down to Cyclery USA in Redlands to cash in on that free lifetime tune-up. For me that day was yesterday.

Here is the deal I have no idea what the freak a bottom bracket does or what PSI a Continental should be run at following a early season rain. But you know who does Steve Berg.

Steve is truly a Renaissance man. Its hard to find a guy who has fought in the Octagon. Invented that little heart shaped foam thing in a Latte , can hook up your perm for an appearance on Tyra and for the right amount of cash could probably bust out some prison ink.

Anyhow, My bike has made a bottom bracket kinda kachunky noise for 10 months. Steve fixed that problem , found another, warranted out my " Johnson rod " , something about my drive-train, chain issue, hooked me up with some tires and noticed my saddle is showing and unusual wear pattern.

So if the last time you got a free tune was from a neighborhood kid with a wrench it just might be time to get down to the shop. Damn , I am glad I did.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Award season is here

USA Cycling announced there are only a few days left to apply for USA Cycling's annual "Club of the Year" awards. On December 18, the national governing body will award three "Overall Club of the Year" designations and seven special awards to clubs that have made exceptional efforts in 2009.

Team Redlands has been notified that they are finalists in one of the special awards categories:

Women in Cycling appreciation in a tasteful manner.

Obviously we here at Team Redlands are excited about the nomination. We continue to appreciate women in cycling and have made a commitment that should be a model to clubs around the country.

Due to the economic constraints Team Redlands will not be able to attend the Club of the year awards. Team funds are tied up in litigation unrelated to pictures used on this blog.

Maybe next year they will have an award for Team Blog of the year.