Power rankings coming soon

Cat gangs have a been around for centuries. To this day you can trace the corporate structure of cats to many companies such as Apple , Ford and Purina.

Last week El Presedente was not on the ride. Which begs the question . Who is next in command. Who calls the shots. Who decides when and where we ride.

The answer to that question can only mean one thing . it's time for a new and updated power rankings. Team power rankings are being calculated and will be done by Friday. please no calls
until then.

Will I get a 1099 ?

The lesbians I have been donating my sperm to are missing ! Sounds like a headline in your morning paper right. Well maybe if you live in Amsterdam. but surely not in Redlands.

See years ago Americans were told via Madison avenue that If you wore 100 % Cotton Dockers you could have an old fashion bull session with your buddies. You would wear these pants and instantly you would be a member of an Algonquin round table. I owned Dockers and yes I did feel and look smarter. But did they make me one of the boys?

last Saturday after the ride the spandex round table was in rare form. I am not sure about the tipping point of Cotton to Spandex but it may have been around the time that Lance got caught on the kids back pack and fell.

Those Dockers guys were smart. But they never touched subject matter like the Lesbians who stole my sperm or why things moved by land are called shipments and things moved by ship are called Cargo?

So, next Saturday after the ride hang out at Stells and maybe you can find out how to make money hand over fist too.

Please no comments about the symbolism of the fish.

Stick my head in what?

During the 30 day window to talk to other teams I was contacted by the assistant to the travelling secretary for Team Astana.

Apparently they have lost many riders to the Shack and were looking to fill a few spots. The try-out consisted of sticking your head in a cardboard cut-out. Here you can see the results of the cardboard test.

I did fall trying to take my head out of the cardboard cut-out and severely burned myself on a barbecue. they said they would call me and it's been about 3 weeks?

Don't believe the morning paper

The rush is on

This weekend marked the beginning of Cycling rush here in Redlands. Our team received around 300 applications to join Team Redlands. Regretfully we were only allowed to fill a couple of slots.

The initial phase of hazing , I mean initiations was to perform many duties of the domestique. In the past some of the news guys had trouble getting Norms bagel just right and Hectors Latte order foamy enough.

Currently the most promising applicant is a guy with an Ironman Tattoo on his leg. His Taxes are in order and he is in much need of a free Insurance "what if." His resume includes a bar fight with a tranny and he has eaten a 72 ounce steak at the Big Texan in Dallas.

Welcome Brain, can you pick up my helmet.

Hand Signals

Team Redlands commitment to road safety continues this month with a review of the various hand signals and there meanings.

The above chart was obtained from "Joy of cycling" book written in the early 70's. Lucky for us many of the hand signals have gone virtually unchanged and still provide an aide to the rider's intentions.

Warning using the above hand signals while traveling through Loma Linda may have unforeseen consequences.

Peppermint Patty rides here !

Is it just me or have you noticed that the local cycling scene has more than it's share of red headed girls. I am not talking about red highlights one could ascertain from the local Target. I am talking real red hair as typically found in the Boston area or a Catholic School.

Here is the rub , each of the girls on the ride had on a different kit. Is there a team minimum or a team proclamation that each team gets a red head? Are there more here than other cities because we live in REDlands? Through the freedom of information act I discovered that more Red heads are born in Redlands than lets say Yuciapa. Although Yuciapa has no hospitals or a movie theater so that may have been a poor sample.

I can promise you that next years WICAM celebrations will now include a 3 day classic for all Red Headed girls. Please no dye jobs this event it will be for only true Red Heads. A Representative from State Farm will conduct an independent audit of the racers.

Look for the race flyer at the shop "Go red or go home" criterium next year. Damn that would be a good slogan for the city seal. I really should run for mayor someday.