The Hail Mary

Chopper made his usual late return to the high end world of local crit bike racing this weekend. The menu called for 2 races the 45+ and the 40 1-4. I would have raced more but I had to get back to Redlands. JT was hosting an Academy awards party.

It's kinda fun being the wild card at these races. Unless you can show 300 bucks in gas receipts nobody pays you any mind. I raced my bike in the 45+ and spent more than a few laps chasing turbo. I played the 80/20 rule racing my bike for the first 80 percent of the race. Yep I know the preferred method is to sit and wait for the last 20 percent. I need to work on that.

In the 40 1-4 I decided to go with a hail Mary on lap #1. Jumped with 3 other riders including one of the Scott's. The move got us up the road and the gap was 30 seconds. Early on we lost one of the 4 guys. Let's call him the smart one. I stayed a few more laps before being unhitched. I have replayed that moment a few times in my head since yesterday. We had 2 out 3 guys in a break. No excuses I suck. Scott stayed away from lap # 1 till the bell lap. Once reunited Team Redlands took lots of spots in the top 10. Lesson of the day. Never leave your wingman in a bar or in a break.

I just realized I wrote a race report from a race I was in. This is not the team redlands web site. What am I doing. Next week I will be doing a review of chamois creams for women cyclist.

5 Weeks till the classic !

Hello Kitty , just got done visiting the new and improved Redlands bike classic web site. In the past the site has been on par with the Dunder Mifflin infinity site.

The new site had some nice pictures , ways to volunteer and a host housing application. The new site would not have been complete if their was not at least one link to a twitter account that has not been updated since Team Saturn was in the classic.

The real surprise was the visit to the USAC criteriums. This year the 35+ and Pro 1/2 will be raced on the PRO 1 mile loop course instead of the .65 crit course. That should make for a sweet day of crit racing. The crit of shame just became less shameful

Horner at the Hangar

The Hangar continues to be the place to meet local celebrities. In the past 12 months Jude Law, Harry Reid and Cameron Crow have all been spotted drinking an Orange Wheat. Yesterday Team Radio Shack member Chris Horner made it our way.

Chris was in town because Cyclery USA sold more Treks than any other 5,000 square foot store in a town with under 32,000 residents. If the shop had sold just 6 more Power bars well I don't want to get ahead of myself.

Anyhow it was nice meeting Chris. He asked me why I listed him on our club rooster months ago. I explained that Team Redlands had made him an honorary team member for making the classic his bitch so many times and his 10Th place at the Tour De France wasn't to bad either.

Crazy Ivan's

In the movie "The Hunt for Red October", a sharp turn made by a Russian submarine to look behind it with sonar. Is referred to as a Crazy Ivan.

By analogy, any quick, unexpected and radical change in direction, literally or metaphorically.

A few weeks ago on the Rain Cross ride I watched no less than 4 Crazy Ivan's. When will it stop, how many people have to die ? Why can't Team Redlands have a skills clinic for 40 year old men ?

Here is the deal. If you see someone on your left moving up and you think to your self hey this is my chance at some weekend warrior glory I will just pull my bike frantically to the left. Ask your self the following questions:

1. Am I the only person on Victoria ?
2. Is there a chance that someone else might be on that guys wheel already ?
3. When I drive my car on the highway do I just pull into the left lane without looking.
4. Am I Craig Turner ?

Are you starting to get the picture. Your not Craig Turner. You are a Russian Sub driver and you just pulled a Crazy Ivan. All Stop.

How many Strip clubs does this town have ?

For as long as I can remember the pay-off to doing anything all day is eating afterwards. Whether that was running a marathon or riding 100 miles. The only way on gods green earth I would do either is to keep thinking about the food I am going to eat when I am done.

On Sunday after the Palm Springs century the call went out for lunch. Hey we are going to Las Casuleas. Are you going ? Yep, I would never turn down a chance to go to the most touristy lunch place in Palm Springs. But here is the real funny thing. Apparently there are two Las Casuelas in Palm Springs. The old Team Redlands guys all went to the one on South Palm Canyon while the Old Possibilities crew went to the one 4 blocks away.

We actually had our waitress send a virgin Margarita down to the other location. They had my waitress loose my order and I was stuck watching the rest of my party eat a chimichanga platter and a 5 pound chicken burrito. I talked to the manager later and explained to him that he needs to light a taco under his staff.

Get on your bikes and ride !

Tomorrow some of the Team Redlands rank and file will be heading to Palm springs for the annual Tour De Palm Springs. The ride represents one last big base ride before the race season goes into full swing.

Yes readers I know some of you have already driven to East Jesus no where to ride in a 30 minute Criterium and probably still don't know who won the Super Bowl.

The Tour De Palm Springs begins at the IHOP and ends at Las Casuelas in downtown Palm Springs. The route is a scenic journey through the scrub and mesquite of the Mojave desert. The SAG stops feature Date Shakes and SPF 55 and a free shoulder massage.

See ya all at 6:45 when a Freddy Mercury impersonator will yell " get on your bikes and ride".

Light the Taco T-Shirt release date !

Just like the release of the Verizon iphone this week. Team Redlands will be releasing the first 100 limited edition " Light the Taco" T-Shirts. The T-Shirts will sold on a first come first serve basis.

Imagine the attention you will grab as you " peacock " your way up to the sign in table at Ontario. Or wear it to Stell's on your off day while you are fake studying with the other LLU kids. For the right price Matt Freeman may even change his blog head shot to him wearing the T-shirt.

The T-shirts will only available at Cafe press. Junior and WICAM team members will receive a 20 % discount. Simply input discount code" hot sauce " at check out.

Light the Taco !

How big a Fish was it Grandpa ?

I don't read many books and I only go to Barnes and Noble to meet chicks. I like to stand in the home repair section and act like I am reading a book on some type of home remodel. The trick is to make sure the book is upright.

But seriously am I the only one that doesn't know the difference between fiction and non-fiction. I noticed the sports related books are located in the middle of the store kinda between both of these sections.

The one exception were the books related to cycling. The Cycling books are easily Found between Harry Potter and Twilight. I really feel like they should move the books to the Horror section due to all the needles , syringes and tales of Swiss border guards.

Either way if you are looking for a good read this month. You still can't go wrong with anything written by a cyclist. You will need help finding the location of these books because in the end they really don't seem to have much to do with cycling. Kinda like this blog.

The Social Network

I was asked recently to mention that you can now follow Team Redlands of Twitter. I was also asked to mention that you can follow Team Redlands on Face Book.

For those of you who stare at your iPhone all day here is the distinction between the two.

Twitter is an excellent way for you to receive timely updates about the goings on of Team Redlands.

Face Book is a disturbing way for you too see who the guys you ride with are " friends " with. Warning it can be very disturbing.

Either way the official Team Redlands media machine is going to be up and running on all fronts soon. By the year 2012 you should be able to simply close your eyes and know if JT is doing an easy sunset recovery ride or If Big E is having at beer at the Hangar. It will be great.

Just remember you can always get your Team Redlands information the good old fashion way god intended. A Blog written by a over caffeinated white guy who's eyes are blurry from watching porn and stock quotes all day on his computer.