If you can read this you're too close !

I don't want to be a Pirate !

Traditional winter training camp scrapped. Team building is job # 1 this winter we are looking to build up camaraderie while helping out the planet. It's called a win/win.

Destination Somali:

The team will be sailing along the coast of Somali specifically to hunt pirates. These cruises, are conducted on a regular basis and have attracted many fans of live target shooting with total impunity.

The advertising brochure posted on the website says that the vessel is cruising along the Somali coast, attracting pirates' attention with loud music and fireworks.

The vessel departs from Mombasa on Dec. 29 and will go along the coast of Somali as far as Djibouti, where the cruise ends. They promise at least two pirate attacks, but if that does not happen, They will refund you half of the cruise price, including the lease of weapons and ammunition," The Russian cruise line received a nice write up in trip advisor.

The four-day cruise for two person will set you back $3,200, The lease of weapons is paid separately. Roomates will be assigned on the ship so please no special requests.

Kitty Kitty

Liz shown here in her kitty wear with matching beenie , thinking about next years race schedule.

I can imagine her internal monologue as follows:

I can't wait till next years Redlands Bike Classic !

Redlands is an nice town , I just don't know where I will stay. The hotel situation is " iffy" at best. The host family's are nice but they always want me to go swimming.

Maybe some of those Douche Bags at Team Redlands can hook me up ?

I hear there is a new place to drink called Hangar 24. I wonder if any of those guys know the owner Ben? I would really like to go to the VIP room. Mentone is soooo VIP.

Mentone has a working A & W Root Beer with a drive thru and they sell something called Cheese curds....what the hell is a cheese curd ?

Oh well enough day dreaming about next year....I need to go online and see if Team Redlands has any sister team stuff for sale. I wish Chopper's pelvis was better.

It's the shoes money

Zoey and her townie bike last night at Hangar 24.

This is a good example of how to pull yourself up in the Team Redlands power rankings. The matching shoes and frame will always bump you up a few notches.

Speaking of matching outfits. remember the Team kit order deadline is quickly approaching. If you have always dreamed about wearing the Redlands Kit maybe this is the season to make that change. If you have always dreamed about wearing a Rock Racing kit, please stop reading this blog.

Flanders ?

Its a simple question of math Does A + B = C

Thanks Flipper !

Team Redlands invokes "Good Citizen" clause and maybe all the teams around town should ask themselves the following:

Does your Team's use of foul language create inappropriate and embarrassing situations for you and the people around you? Did you know this habit can be put under your control! Well wonder no more and learn to minimize the use of offensive words and expressions while enjoying a cleaner, more respectable ride.

The Ocean Sublime Series is made of exclusive downloads, composed of soothing ocean sounds from the Caribbean mixed with specific inaudible custom messages & words of wisdom of a top personal coach, motivation expert, registered and certified clinical hypnotherapist.

Just listen to the course daily, and you can start seeing a significant difference within a matter of days! Warning do not use this course while driving.

Team Testimonials:

JT: Just today I was about to throw an "F" bomb at a 4 way stop. I thought about a dolphin and I just waved.

Craig: I was gonna punch a guy in the quad , instead I bought him a Hawaiian Punch at the gas station.

And just this morning Norm & Scott after being left at Stells had to chase all the way to Riverside. Instead of yelling at us , they thanked us for some early season cardio. Geez Whiz.

I can only hope that the strides we are taking here at Team Redlands will be an inspiration to all the other riders. God bless.

2 out of 3

The team meeting was a great success tonight. We all got on board and the new skipper was introduced. If you were unable to attend please stop by the shop and get your clothing order form .

The new kits were unvailed. They are guaranteed to give you a return of +/- 5% advantage over a 70 mile ride. This was confirmed by an independent study held by Wright Patterson AFB in conjunction with the university of Purdue. This study is not to be confused with the gait analysis study of 2008 held at LLU.

A snipe hunt was held for all the new guy's behind Cyclery USA. Ramon declared a winner and all participants were given a complimentary water bottle. The winner recieved a free lifetime tune-up.The free lifetime tune-up fair market value could not be determined.

I spent $ 350.00 on kits and blamed my low order on the economy. I will stay towards the back of the pack next summer when I am stretching my bibs for 2 rides. I really hope I don't get shammy flu.

Team Meeting

This week Team Redlands will hold it's annual post-season meeting. Meetings are not just informative but they can be fun. Here is a sample of the talking points for the meeting:

1. Groupies, Pros and Cons
2. Ink
3. Get away team building rafting trip in Arkansas.
4. Hazing
5. Health Care
6. Fort/Clubhouse
7. Mascot
8. Alcoholism and Cycling , is there a connection.
9. Proof of Redlands citizenship.
10. Team Blog status from Unofficial to pending.

Winter Approaches

This morning I counted at least 2 riders sporting there team Redlands vests. This can only mean one thing. winter is just around the corner.

Lucky for me I never shed my winter coat and have not started my 12 step program. Just this morning I woke up in bed next to a can of Pringles and my hand smelt like cool ranch.

I really need to make some changes this winter.

Project Runway coming to Redlands

Team Redlands long known for there innovation , sportsmanship and obvious sense of community is now looking to lead the way in fashion.

Word on the street is that a team of cutting edge designers have been working overtime behind the scenes on next years kits. Look for the new kits to incorporate some of that Kazakhstan style you are always reading about.

Hard to imagine but lets face it Kazakhstan has taken over the world of cycling and fashion. This tiny country won both the Tour de France and fashion week at Bryant park.

Don't worry I have be assured that no use of leather or an optional pair of ass less chaps are being offered.

In addition to the usual drafting. Next summer look for many other local teams too add " Fashion Drafting " to there repertoire.