Big E has a dilemma

Local cycling legend returns to Team redlands at tonight's meeting. said legend and local mountain bike specialist officially signs with team redlands. Said rider purchased 2 new kits and has agreed to put his boys in a set of bibs for the first time in his career.

His dilemma is should he shave his legs or wind his watch with the extra 5 minutes at his disposal in the shower. Really this is his dilemma. He really wants to keep his lifestyle but does not want to look like a Fred at the group ride. He really looks forward to your advice and encouragement. Keep an eye out for the new guy.

Team meeting # 2

Team meeting # 2 to be held tonight, 6 pm at Romano's on Orange street. The purpose and agenda of the meeting will be as follows:

1. A chance to order a team redlands kit. Yes, these are the same kits you have seen on riders around town. This is a chance to order another set or get hooked up since you missed the initial order. Will you look as good as JT in his kit I cant say.

2. Review the upcoming race schedule and place an emphasis on the races that are scenic have good weather and are within walking distance of the local hooters.

3. Focus group some century or gran fondo style rides. preferably rides that are located in wine country and have a free massage.

Note: due to inclement weather , short notice, limited parking and lack of insurance a Jumpy house will not be on the premises for tonight's meeting.

Sunday is Bacon day !

I rarely ride both Saturday and Sunday's anymore. It's either one or the other. In the 909 if you have to choose it's usually the Saturday ride. The Raincross ride as it's called is usually the best bang for your buck.

This week the call went out that we may be rolling down to the 714. Yep heading out for back to back days to roll Como Street on Sunday.

I went to bed last night praying for rain, sleet or snow. No luck, the text message came from Turner before 6 am...Get up pussy were rolling to the OC and your still on double secret probation.

Wikipedia encyclopedia: Como Street

Como Street is a bicycle-riding group which starts in Tustin on Sunday mornings. The ride is composed of competitive cyclists and sometimes more that 100 riders take part. This ride is not recommended for recreational riders. The pace is fast and close quarter riding can be dangerous.

The ride is famous among cyclists and many elite level cyclists have participated, including Floyd Landis, who is reported to have compared the Como street ride to a climb during the Tour De France.

Did I mention I usually sleep in on Sundays and eat a package of Bacon while watching Floyd Landis on TV.

Thankfully tomorrow is a federal holiday and due to my oath as a Federal worker I am required to do nothing all day. No problem. and I will make up for missing Bacon Day.

First warning ?

Was I the only one that got this e-mail ?

Dear Chopper,

Please read the following closely. This is your first warning regarding your continued riding with Team Redlands. Since joining Team Redlands we have noticed that you’re riding fitness and overall skills have diminished considerably. They did not have far to go.

Your personal folder is chocked full of various injuries. Frankly, blaming your riding on Munchhausen syndrome was the last straw. Being 47 is also no excuse. Many active seniors continue to ride at your age.

If you continue to ride at this unacceptable level your case will be forwarded to a review panel. The panel has the authority to strip you of your Kit and official Team Redlands water bottles. As you can see this is no joke.

Additionally you have 1 month to loose that extra 10 pounds you have been carrying. If you think looking like Winnie the Pooh is good maybe you should go back to work for Disneyland.

Sincerely,
Team Redlands Review Board

PS: Cut your hair Brady Bunch!

It's true

The local bike shop has expanded. Looks like they took out a wall an grabbed some square feet from the religious macrame scrap booking business. Another sign of the ever changing economy. I guess you can still do the God thing you just can't scrapbook about your Godliness.

The new shop really exposes the mechanic's area. I like it. Once I went to LLU an watched a surgery in the stadium seating OR. I was asked not to return because I snuck some Junior Mints to the operation. Back at the shop you can watch real mechanics working on bikes. You can talk with them and everything. Just remember that yellow tape on the floor is there for a reason. Step past the yellow tape and you will hear in the immortal words of Ludacris "get back motherfucker you don't know me like that".

On a related note have you noticed more flats on your rubbers. Are they making tires out of cheaper crap lately. Did cities stop sweeping roads, is global warming involved in this. I flatted twice on my trainer last week. The assholes on the DVD did not stop and wait. That is the last time I ride with those Carmichael pussies.

Get your head on !

There are lots of dates on the calender the good people of hallmark and the federal government place particular importance upon. If you ask me the first Monday in January is by far and away the biggest come to Jesus date of them all. Because this is the day of the year you realize all of the following.

- You spent way too much money on crap gifts.

- You are a fatty.

- Y2010K did not crash your computer. Porn did.

- Your ARM just rest again on that Yuciapa track home from hell.

- The crap you put on the back burner at work before the holiday break is boiling over.

- You did not get in the big winter x-mas base miles you thought you would.

See you at Gay Church (gym) tonight. I will be the Fatty in the cardio Abs spin boot camp room trying to get rid of that winter coat.

Happy New Year !

I rode on New Years eve with the some of the dudes from the team. We got back to Stells around 1:00 pm. Seriously 1:00 in the afternoon. Funny thing nobody ever noticed what time it was or that we had been on the bike for around 5 hours. No one had to be anywhere and nobody really seemed to be missed.

Have you ever been asked the question when will you be back from the ride. Or how long will the ride be today. Is there really an answer to that question. Yes, yes there is. 8 hours. see 8 hours is a nice safe number. you will always be able to return in less than 8 hours and everyone should be happy. The airlines could really benefit from this application. how long is the flight form Ontario to Dallas ? 22 hours. See how this works. Remember last year the State of California took 2 months to issue tax refunds. I was the consultant on that one. Bastards still haven't paid me.

Back to the New Years eve ride. Funny thing happens after 5 hours on the bike with the guys. The chit chat. The conversations. They can really range depending on who you riding next to. I always feel obliged to adjust the talk to my partner. do you do this. Do you dread that pull over to river city next to Chopper. What will he say. what will come out of his mouth. Does he ever shut up !

Last week some guy was telling me a story about how he was awaken last night from a dead sleep when he heard his genitals having a conversation. What ? Is that true.

Anyhow, I hope your New Year is filled with many 8 hour rides and you all continue to enjoy the stories and jokes that fill the gaps out there between the climbs and sprints. Happy New Year.